In the strictest sense, music harrdly requires rich lyrics for you to feel it or for it to be considered good. Additionally, because music serves diverse needs, it will hardly be a one-track approach anyway.
Mode Nine is credited with introducing lyricism and wordplay into Nigerian music. “Elbow Room”, Pentium IX, E Pluribus Unum were some of his greatest works and I daresay very few Nigerian rappers will ever reach that level.
M.I was the next step in the evolution of ‘punchline rappers’ and his first album, “Talk About It” inspired a whole new generation of Nigerian rappers; Naeto C, Dagrin and Vector only sneaks into this one. Somewhere along the evolution, Nigerian rappers discovered that the feel good musicians were raking all the money and ‘commercial songs’ were in demand.
“Mo fe make owo sharp sharp, mo n se fu n wo ni commercial” – Terry G, AY Dotcom
This song heralded the death of lyricism in Nigerian musiç as witty punchlines were replaced by watery ones. Lord help you if you try to point this out, you will likely be branded a hater who’s just hating on their success. Like M.I said in his song, ‘Chairman,’ “have you eaten today? Then why are you hating?”
I suspect we’ve all known this for a while but Ladies and gentlemen, Nigerian hip hop is the new Fuji.
If your favourite rapper ,akes this list, please don’t be mad at me. I’m not saying they’re wack, I’m just saying that particular line is. And if you feel these aren’t wack, *shrug*
10. “Life is not fair, I’m thinking of how to bleach” – ICEPRINCE, NIGERIAN BET CYPHER,
The amazing thing is that people actually think this is clever. Like what the fuck does this even mean? How does your bleaching help life get fair?
This looks like something I would have written at age ten when my now rested dream of being a rapper was just conceived, definitely not what you want to put on BET cypher where ‘killers’ like Modenine and X.O Senavoe will be on. Yeah, everybody loves Iceprince but it’s not because of his clever lyrics, it’s because he comes out with monster hit songs……… once in three years.
9.“You leave me messed up, now I’m feeling like a fart” – VECTOR, ‘TICKLE ME’ ft Chuddy K
We all love Vector. Nigga has mad tracks under his belt. Raise your hands if you still bump ‘Get Down’. The Bar-Rack mixtape had its highs and lows. It boasts of ‘Stay Scheming’ ‘Intro’ and ‘Tuwo’.
I think he’s trying too hard with the metaphors. I blame the people around him who tell him “men, that shit is dope!”
Like really?! Messed up and feeling like a fart? Apart from the fact that it’s generic, it’s plain stupid. We love you Vector, but not all tracks should be released.
8.“I really wish we last long, Anaconda.” ICEPRINCE, ‘MORE’
Here is our beloved Iceprince again. I find it difficult commenting on this one because the stupidity speaks for itself. Dude, you don’t have to come up with corny ass punchlines like this just because you want to rhyme. Truth is, this whole list could have been made of bad lines from this song alone, but I’ll just use this one as a point of contact. Brother Iceprince should have just written a love letter to the babe jeje instead of infesting our airwaves with this song.
7. “ I’m so fly, my plane never lands. Like Michael Jackson’s park, Neverland” – PHENOM, ‘OMO NAIJA’
I actually love the ‘Omo Naija’ track, mostly because of its infectious hook. Maybe I’m just hating on this line because I expected more from Phenom.
First of all, ‘i’m so fly, my plane never lands’ was wack, then dude had to go on and explain ‘Never land’ to us. Who the fuck did you make the track for, five-year-olds? If this was a freestyle , I wouldn’t mind but I’m sure this was written, and so he must have been pretty impressed with the line for him to release it.
Let me kick a rhyme for Phenom.
Dear Phenom, this is sad,
Like Michael Jackson’s death, sad.
6. “Na jollof music, no be rice and stew” – LYNXXX, ‘EZIOKWU’ Ft Various Artistes.
I shit you not, brethren, Lynxxx actually said that.
I think he should join Nollywood. His nice physique will be a welcome replacement for the pot bellied, mid-fourties lead actors we have. Because, truth is he’s fucking up the music industry and his looks is the only thing giving him any sort of buzz. The nigga has never impressed, either intentionally or otherwise. Some might say he was just having fun but I say this is lazy writing. If you want to get away with lines likes like this, make highlife music.
With lines like this, little wonder there’s nobody looking out for any new Lynxxx music.
5. “IF YOU’RE SLEEPING ON ME, IT MUST BE UNDER-COVER/ GET IT?”- X.O SENAVOE-TAXI MUSIC
The only thing worse than this punchline is the fact that X.O actually had the nerve to repeat the line then asked “get it”?! What in the actual f#$k?
This line is TOO BASIC to even repeat or even ask us if we get it!
Music lovers are not retards, STOP asking us if we get stupid and corny lines!
He just had to mess up an otherwise good track with a line like this…..please,no more punchlines that sound like you’re rapping for an autistic audience.
4. “LIKE A CALENDAR, I’VE GOT DATES”- PHYNO FT OLAMIDE. – GHOST MODE
Wait…wait…wait, can you feel your brain cells dying already?? Fam, this here is just a shame, let’s work with this punchline and provide phyno with more punchlines…
“Like a toolbox, I’ve got tools” (._.)
Oga Sarz,oya gimme one mad beat, I’ve arrived!
Bonus dead punchline by phyno- “my beat is the killer-serial”
WTF????????
3) “I’M MILK IN THE GAME, NO TEA HOMIE”- ICE PRINCE, JUJU
And its a hattrick for the rapper everyone loves! I’m starting to suspect Iceprince is dating a kindergaten chick….nothing else can explain these kind of sappy lines.
Please call the pallbearers…there’s a deadline here waiting to be buried. Iceprince is really great at outdoing himself…
If you still have a brain at this point, I congratulate you,proceed to the last two lines with utmost caution…
2) “THESE NIGGERS SPASTIC RHYME, MIKE TYSON”- REMINISCE, OMO NAIJA REMIX
I’ve played this line like 50million times and it still makes absolutely no sense.
So,I’ve been forced to conclude that in the struggle to rhyme, Reminisce just coined one of the stupidest punchlines ever.
To be fair to be him,he seemed to be totally out of depth throughout the song…still, its unfair to pry our ears with totally senseless shit cos you wanna prove you can spit punchlines in English.
1) “WHEN YOU HEAR TO-TO, TONTO DIKE”- ERIGGA FT OLAMIDE, PAPER BOI
I swear to God I didn’t make this up…a Nigerian rapper actually said this!! Wait let’s play this again….
“When you hear to-to, toto dike”
Fam,are you still waiting for a punchline deader than this?
His name’s Erigga, Mr. “The gbana wey I dey smoke big pass ur fan base” (._.)
Y’all better get out of here while you still have brain cells….
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